It seems a great travesty that Sister Vickie died. Her life cut short so soon after such a great miracle. The question for a lot of people is why? Why, if this was such a great miracle did she have to die. Wouldn't the story of her miracle travel so much farther and be so much more powerful if she was alive and talking? We know the Lord is kind and merciful but honestly this seems cruel and unusual. We have all heard of great healings only to see them backed up by death in a matter of days. It leaves you questioning and wondering why heal them if you never intended to allow them to live.
I offer you a glimpse into the actual circumstance of Sister Vickie's story to better understand. For indeed our Lord and Saviour are kind and just, loving and caring, merciful and gracious. The wondering and questioning are very human instincts in us. I'm sure the Lord expects it, or at the least has grown use to the endless question of why. For one, who are we to question our creator, but none the less we do. In all our humanness we think that if the Lord takes something from us then at least he should answer why. I think if we look at most situations hard enough and from all views we can sometimes make out why. It seems the why is only sometimes answered after time has gone by and the wounds are less visible. In the case of a child dying, I think the question of why will only be answered by God himself when he returns that child back to its mother's arms in the glory of heaven. We think that we need answers to what appears to be life's travesties. I think someday we will get those answers and realize most likely that it would have been a travesty if they stayed. I hope that my point of view is not too bold. Losing someone you love is desperately hard. I intend in no way to make it trivial or cause it to appear to be easy. Stay with me a moment more, I do have a point to all of this.
Sister Vickie's situation is to me one of those situations were if you look for the answer you'll find it. I remember exactly in vivid detail receiving a call from my dear friend Susan Fisher. She began to tell me with great care all about Sister Vickie. She told me how she had a tumor and how she was thankful to be able to help take care of her. I listened but thought to myself about how awful this situation was. How was Susan being so accepting and grateful for such an awful thing that is happening to this poor woman? I guess my thoughts came to mouth because I asked her "how are you handling this." She replied with a sense of joy that she could be a part of this wonderful Sisters life. She said that it was also a good learning experience. She wanted to learn how to care for someone in Sister Vickie's condition in the case that this happened again. Susan was in the right place. Her thoughts and actions were honorable. They proved where her faith lied. Mine on the other hand, came from a place of fear. My humanness was rearing its ugly little head. I struggled with "why?" Everyday I thought about this Sister who I had never met. I thought about how sad I was for her. I thought about how hard this must be for her. I wondered if she was staying at home and suffering because she felt she had to. An elders wife is under a lot of expectations to perform her life perfectly according to our faith. I worried a lot and I prayed aimlessly a lot. My worry had so many directions that an aimless prayer is all I could accomplish. A few days later to my surprise Susan let me know that the tumor had been removed by the Lord and that Sister Vickie was healed and gained a little strength everyday. I could not believe it. It actually happened. She was healed. Joyful and amazed is how I felt. I was also deeply ashamed for my harsh and very human thoughts. My lack of faith was the biggest elephant in the smallest room. It brought my lack to the forefront of my mind and in my shame I asked for forgiveness. I was so joyful about being proved wrong that I called my mother to tell her of this great miracle. Later that week my joy slipped into anger as once again I spoke with Sister Susan about Sister Vickie. Susan's words stuck like knives in my heart "Sister Vickie died last night." What? How can this be? Why? Again we face the Lord with "why?" My heart so sad and my faith so squashed I continued to mull over the question of why. I didn't know Sister Vickie but I needed to make sense of this that seemed to have no sense. I realized that I had very little faith at that point. I know logically that the Lord is kind and mercifull. Logically, I knew enough to fill a book, but my heart wouldn't hear it. I was blinded by my own fear and that endless question of why. As years passed I still struggled with Sister Vickie's experience, her suffering, and her untimely and in my opinion cruel death. The best way I can describe my ongoing anger and confusion is to say that the Lord healed her and dangled life in front of her only to snatch it away like a mean big brother torturing his smaller sibling with something like candy. I thought it to be very unfair. My years of thought could not make sense of this. "But she died" was all I could think and say.
I tell you my very embarrassing and shameful thoughts because Sister Vickie's story is often overshadowed by the words or thoughts of "but she died." Yes she did, we know that to be true. We also know that she was healed. Somehow putting the two together crosses the healing aspect out. Somehow it makes God the villain when truly he was her Saviour. Those of us that weren't close to the family and friends of Sister Vickie have to fill in the gaps and pieces of the story we heard passed down to us. The gaps don't get filled with the glory and mercy of the Lord but generally with our own fear. There are some great and wonderful souls who don't question, and their faith allows them to see the beauty in all things. I truly love these people. They are a constant and guiding hand in leading those of us with concerns and fears not of God to a place were the faith that we have and the love for our Lord and brethren can rise above our fleshly grumblings. We are all a work in progress but to those wonderful faithful souls who don't question their God, this is not written for you. You don't need to make sense of it. You my friend are in a place I am trying to get to. I write this half of the story for those of us who say "yes, but she died" and for those who ask "why."
In my talks with Janaun she shared with me several stories that pieced together my broken heart. She told me of a conversation her and her mother had had the February before she passed. Sister Vickie was talking about being healed of her tumor and her issue of blood. She talked about being healed like a pregnant woman would talk about the upcoming delivery of her child. It's something that they know will happen. It's only a matter of when. In her talking to her daughter she made a comment that stopped Janaun in her tracks. She said "I don't think I will live long after the Lord heals me." Distraught with her mothers words Janaun said to her mother that she couldn't make it without her. Her mother in a matter of fact way said "yes you will , you will be just fine Janaun." Janaun knowing logically that yes, she would be fine hesitantly said that she knew she would be okay but that she didn't want to be without her mother and her best friend. She was hesitant because she didn't want to give her mother permission to give up once she was healed. Janaun couldn't bear the thought of losing her mother so the conversation was changed. Janaun's mother was doing what mothers do best, she was preparing her child. She was more than close to the Lord. He was her companion and friend through all life's ups and downs. She listened to him intently and obeyed him loyally. He had spoken to her heart and she had spoken to his. She felt the day was coming and in some ways looked forward to it. In her conversation with her daughter she was trying to tell her, without telling her, that she knew and that she was very much at peace. This seemingly small conversation, when looked back on, spoke volumes. It's one of those pieces to a greater puzzle that cause you to see more clearly the path that God has walked with those He loves and holds dear.
Janaun also told me how in January of the same year her mother felt very compelled to join Secret Sisters. Sister Vickie was not a person who particularly enjoyed Secret Sisters. Sure she loved the fellowship but the gift giving just wasn't her thing. Despite her aversion to gifts she joined because the Lord led her to. She often commented to her daughter about the reasoning of such a request by the Lord. Not knowing or understanding why she carried on and humbly participated. She even went out and purchased the whole years gifts for her secret sister. The gifts consisted of items with scriptures on them that meant to comfort and encourage. It was items that she herself would have liked. In return she received gifts from her secret sister. One such gift was a grandmothers journal. It was a journal for grandmothers to write to their grandchildren. It occasionally gave props or asked questions of the grandparent writing. Sister Vickie filled out a great deal of this journal. Later after Sister Vickies passing Janaun found the journal and the gifts that she had purchased for her secret sister. Although she didn't understand the meaning of all this and why the Lord required it of her, the fact is the Lord had a purpose. He knew things would be left unsaid. He knew hearts would need comforted. The journal was a divine gift from God to Janaun. Her mothers lack of breath and time didn't allow her to have those last few important words with her mother. She longed after those guiding life affirming words that would keep her a float when the pain seemed to weigh her down. The words in that journal were life to Janaun's broken heart. Her mother unknowingly gave her daughter that gift of her last words. The journal will also heal and ground her grandchildrens hearts as they grow. Truly this journal was a divinely inspired gift. The gifts that were meant for her secret sister ultimately became the inspiration and comfort that was laid on her grave. God had allowed even the smallest detail to be looked after. Sister Vickie by the inspiration of God and her own obedience provided for her family that that was lacking to help remind, comfort, and heal their hearts.
I fell in love with the Pfister family and the brethren of Montrose through the hand of God. I became friends with Janaun through the hand of God. I came about this story through the hand of God. This set of events have been so that I could see Sister Vickie and her passing the way God would have me to see it. Truly I believe all are the hand of God guiding me and ultimately you the reader to a better understanding. "But she died" no longer has relevance to this story. In the hours of conversation with Janaun and reading over the journals pertaining to Sister Vickie, her tumor, her care, her miracle and her passing. I have came to a place where I see the whole of Sister Vickie's life as a fabulous tribute to her greatest love. She suffered because Christ once suffered for her. Did she feel like she had a choice? Yes, she made that choice the night she was baptised. She made the choice everyday to serve her Lord and Saviour. She made the choice to be patient. She made the choice to believe that the Lord would heal her. The Lord in return did what he could to help her along her way. There were many times that Sister Vickie pondered on the hem of Jesus. She often talked about what was needed to reach out and touch that hem and receive the virtue that would heal her of her issue of blood. One evening in 2005 as she was crossing her driveway to visit with her daughter and her family, who was at the time staying on the property, she looked up from her foot steps to see Jesus turning the corner. The hem of his white garment was trailing the ground behind Him. She ran to where He turned the corner only to see that He had vanished. As she told her daughter and son-in-law of how she had just seen Jesus she said " I think my healing will be just around the corner." I have been shown in so many ways how Jesus was there, for, and with her. In talking with Janaun I feel that Sister Vickie was very much at peace with moving on. I don't think she feared it. I think she longed for the embrace of Jesus. Touching the hem of his garment (her healing) was nothing compared to the embrace of his arms. Janaun in passing her mothers room over heard her in a conversation were she spoke about seeing death pass her by. She said she couldn't describe it but that it wasn't a frightening feeling. I think that after her miracle she was saddened. She had indeed felt death pass by but she wasn't afraid. She was ready and I think she did ask the Lord to take her home. She had heard many times of people being saved and healed of numerous things only to later fall away. She had said that if she was ever perfect and whole in every way that she prayed the Lord would take her in that instant. I named the previous pages "becoming perfect" and the last being "perfection" because I believe she reached perfection. She entered into the water of baptism and put away all the things of this world with the intent of going on to perfection. I think had she choose to, she would be here today. The Lord, in her passing, simply granted her that one last prayer. Her last words to her daughter were "move along honey." She knew it was time for Janaun to move on from under her care and with such little breath left, those three simple words were all that could be said. They were all that needed to be said. She had faith and she knew she had prepared her family the best she could. The care of her daughter and family was now in Gods hands and what capable hands they are. I told Janaun once that her mother had left her such a great legacy.There is many parts to the legacy of Sister Vickie. One part of this legacy was the trunk full of journals she had kept since the day she married. She wanted to remember all that the Lord had done for her and her family. When she was finished with a journal she would take and put it in what was her hope chest. After her passing Janaun and her father decided to take her last journal and place it with the others. When they opened the chest it was full. There was only a small place left a place just big enough for one last journal. It's amazing that there was only room for one. That hope chest was meant to collect things for the home, husband and family she hoped she would have. Now it contains the words, thoughts and feelings of the life she had only just hoped for. That one last journal was all there was room for. The Lords ways are perfect. Looking back we can see all the pieces and they fit together so perfectly.
I'm thankful that the Lord would allow me such an amazing story to write. Truly my heart has been healed in the process. I hope I have conveyed Sister Vickies story as the Lord would have me to. I hope that all who ask "why" or say "but she died" can now see the beauty in her death. Her death only adds to her life. It doesn't take away from any part of it, especially the glorious miracle she received. She loved the Lord dearly and was granted eternal life in his presence. He once showed her a dream were she watched her grandchildren play on a lovely green lawn. As they played she thought to herself "things aren't as bad as I thought they would be." Do you remember this part of the story? I do. Those grand babies are now the same age as they were in that dream. As I talked with Janaun on the phone today they were getting ready to go over to see their grandpa. I wonder if they will play leap frog on that lovely green lawn tonight. I know that if they do she will be there watching them. I hope you can read what my heart feels. I hope instead of seeing a miracle taken away by death you see two miracles, the miracle of her healing and the miracle of her entering into eternal life. One could not be accomplished without the other and one does not cross the other one out. I'm sad to say good bye to this story. All though she has passed away from this world Sister Vickie is my friend. She has taught me much and I hope the she continues to inspire and befriend others. As I said before her passing only adds to her life. Thank you to the Pfister family for allowing me this opportunity to write about your wife and mother. Thank you Janaun my very dear friend for all your help, the hours on the phone and the many emails. You are a diamond that I shall treasure for ever and ever.
SisterVickies life lessons.
Written for her grandchildren in her Grandmothers journal.
